Drumming Amazon

Drumming Amazon
Drumming DykeAmazon

Big Dyke from SF Dyke March

Big Dyke from SF Dyke March

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Amazon Strongwomen in the early 20th century...


Huge Crystal Ball that is a new form of solar generator

 A great invention..but then we know Crystal Balls are magical and can focus the energy of the Sun and create immense heat.

Butch Lesbian women are the most visible Lesbians of all: quote from Ajna that speaks to my soul..and maybe yours too. Another fierce radical Femme ally

Ajna Starheart: "Butch Lesbian women are the most visible lesbians of all and therefore the most hated and targeted by the homophobic elements of the Patriarchy. Horizontal aggression from less visible lesbians who prefer to pass unseen is another cross Butch lesbians have to bear."

Wednesday, October 2, 2013


I feel VERY STRONGLY about this article/blog, so I am including the link to it, as for those of us who are Butch Dykes, we are being completely misread by others because of the trans phenomena, and so many nonfeminine bio females transitioning right and left. We ARE FEmale and Female proud, we are Dykes, we are WOMYN, and we won't be written out of bio female womonhood, we are DykeAmazons, and Butches, and we name Ourselves! And we won't bend over for any man, nor is our sexuality 'fluid' as in having sex with bio males!
                                    -In  Butch DykeAmazon Sisterhood,


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

"The Ordeal of Ron Gold"


On censorship of a gay man questioning the trans movement, interpretation and not kowtowing to their party line on Bilerico.

And my response:
MasterAmazon said...
Good for you for reprinting the article for all to see. So many Lesbians(and some gay men) are seeing the backlash by trans censorship and rewriting of BOTH our Lesbian and Gay history. I do not buy that a bio male is a "Lesbian". For YEARS he had privileges as a man, and sexist attitudes towards the women he dated, lived with or married, that when he transitions to 'female' comes INTO the Lesbian community expecting us to a) recognize him AS a woman, when most do not pass in any way, shape or form
b) some still retain penises and us Lesbians should just 'get over it' a la 'The Cotton Ceiling' debate. We are FEMALE HOMOSEXUALS, as such, our love and lust is reserved for female bodies, minds, spirits....but especially Female bodies.

No amount of external appearance can change that, or the potential fear an MTF might still retain a penis, and many still retain assumptions of their former male privilege, thinking we will give in to them if they are forceful enough.

Here is an article that addresses the difference between the Gay/Lesbian movement and Lesbians and Gays vs Trans interests. We are different communities. YOu just don't 'get over' the biological sex you come from...it is a lie.


I have heard gay men complain to me in the same manner, as many, many of us Lesbians feel completely coopted by the trans movement, and both MTF's and FTM's who INSIST in being in all our women's and Lesbian spaces, while also having some of their own.Now the gay men are understanding somewhat what us Lesbians have had to deal with MTF cooptation all these years, when FTM's, most who do not fully transition either, are now crashing the gay male community. An FTM with a 'bonus hole' who engages in sex with a male, who enters that hole with his penis, is in effect indulging in HETEROSEXUAL sex, as that FTM can then be impregnated. MTF's and FTM's have garnered the sympathy of the bisexual community and both have stormed the barn on those of us who are exclusively homosexual, pressuring us to basically have a large pansexual community to accomodate ALL of them.

Our issues are different and our needs are different. Sometimes gay men want to be with other bio gay males sexually or socially. And often many of us Dykes want to be with bio women, Lesbian or otherwise, we share a girlhood in common, similar outlooks, puberty, fear of impregnation, and many, many other things that no MTF will ever understand. And FTM's should take responsibility and leave  instead of undermine our communities to accomodate their new found 'male' status.

And it saddens MANY of us Dyke Butches to see more and more young women shamed of their female bodies, pressured by their peers, to identify as male, and go down the whole 'male identifying, hormone, surgery' route, as our strong Lesbian communities and spaces and businesses and bookstores have declined much of it due to trans infiltration and cooptation, the trans community has risen AT OUR EXPENSE and on the backs of our young Butches, convincing them for their freedom, if ONLY they identified as male, they truly could be free, and must be 'born in the wrong body', instead of a society that still DOES NOT accept Butch Dyke Women and effeminate Gay Men!
4:18 AM  

There is no 'T' in Lesbian

THIS is a fantastic article for us, well researched, addressing MANY of the issues us Lesbians are going through now, and in relation to trans movement cooptation of our issues and needs, while silencing Lesbians.


My personal Vision of Goddess and WHY I stay on this Path as a DykeAmazon Warrior/Witch/Priestess/Goddess Worshipper with every fiber of my DykeAmazon Being

Wonderful article that inspired me to write the piece below about my dream, which has stayed my Vision...and WHY we MUST continue the work ahead.
"There is a rage, a fearlessness.
Men must realize, on some level, that they are creating their own opposition, that they are raising an army of Amazons that will come back for what’s ours."-When Women Were Warriors



MasterAmazon-I had a dream and vision about this in the '80's, the most radical time of the Feminist/Lesbian and Womyn's Spirituality movements. I don't talk often of it, but your words here, in this article speak to that. When womyn FINALLY wake up, and realize the Warriors they are, the Witches, the Shamans, the Powerful spiritual, psychic and physical beings we can be, especially TOGETHER in Sisterhood, and gathering together, like Michfest, and other womyn's Festivals and Circles, and the MAGIC we can do to STOP the patriarchy combining our gynergy together, it is absolutely paradigm shifting and life changing. We need to ripple that out into EVERY aspect of our lives and never stop connecting with one another, affirming one another in our mutual Powers and strengths COLLECTIVELY.

That dream consisted of being taken above the Planet by Goddess and witnessing the holes in the world, where poverty and violence were occurring the worst, Africa, somewhere's near Europe, several holes that could ONLY be filled by bringing back Female Power and Female Energy, by Goddess, by womyn in their Power doing the Rebalancing, Before our lovely Planet Mother Earth is destroyed for good by these pricks!

It was an immensely POWERFUL dream, one of those Life Changing dreams, and it explained to me WHY I'm doing the work I'm doing(no not for pay) WHY I continue to circle with womyn, why I continue to be a DykeAmazon, why I continue to share Amazon mysteries, and circle with womyn, and believe so strongly about rebalancing with our Female energies, and connection with Goddess. Why every womon alive needs to shed the shame, the veils, the chains and every other attachment to male power that binds her, including male dominated religion which owns her heart, her soul and her body, keeping her chained to men and male rule on the most intimate levels. And so much more, why we are ALL doing the work we are doing! Goddess Awaken, Goddess Arise in the Hearts of ALL WOMYN, and ALL WOMYN RISE NOW!!!!
-In Sisterhood,

Monday, August 19, 2013

"Forbidden Discourse: The Silencing of Feminist Criticism of 'Gender' "

Another very important article on silencing feminists from discussing 'gender' issues and how females are discriminated against around sex by males, and that it takes away from females organizing together against this struggle for the smokescreen of 'gender', 'gender rights' and'gender studies' by bio males who decide to transition(MTF's) especially. And that as they fight for 'gender rights' it is nonfeminist for many of us considering they are upholding the same old tired gender roles that some are transitioning into or away from....-M.A.


Sunday, August 18, 2013

This is about my response to 'Socialized Trans', Detransitioning, sexism, and oppression of Butch and other Lesbians in response to the blog article 'Socialized Trans' and GenderTherapist's critique of the article


My latest post, in response to 'gendertherapist'. And I'll cite the articles in just a moment. -M.A.
"As gender specialists, we need to be working to make the world safe for everyone’s gender. If a person doesn’t feel they fit into the box that women are permitted to live in, in the binary, it is wrong to assume they must be male. They might be but not necessarily. This is why the binary is problematic. As we know, most gender non conforming kids grow up to be cisgender."-gendertherapist

I no longer buy the 'gender line'. One is born male or female (with the very rare exception of interssex), it is a biological FACT, then raised according to their genitals in systems that crush females, and limit ANY Female expression outside of patriarchal Sex Role Stereotyping. It also limits bio male children from expressing more tender feelings and wanting to play with what have been designated 'girl only toys/clothes'. It crushes little boys too that don't want to play in competitive sports, fight, and have more artistic and tender sensitivities. Both are mercilessly teased by peers and admonished by parents for not 'fitting in'. I posit it is the SYSTEM that is the problem for being so intolerant, not the kids that need to be changed.

Instead of letting kids play expansive dress up, toy playing games, and all kinds of expansive roles and opportunities, they are labeled as gender dysfunctional or a 'trans kid' or some such thing...believe me, I KNOW, having never fit into heterosexual female roles almost my entire life!
I'm just glad no therapist I EVER went to recommended to my parents that I be on hormone blockers, then set for opposite sex hormones in my teenage years.

Sexism is RAMPANT. It is deep, it is pervasive. Without addressing deep sexism on EVERY level, and along with that Lesbo/Homophobia and fear of the kid growing up homosexual(like a hardcore tomboy kid like myself refusing straitjacketed female roles and much preferring boys' toys and clothes), more and more parents will succumb to the siren song of hormone blockers and hormones for their kids and teens.

There are more than ever young teen, 20 and 30 somethings and some older females now transitioning or genderqueering who feel they don't fit into the box girls/women are expected to 'fit into';  marriage, babymaking, certain professions and displaying themselves in a feminine revealing and sexualized manner. That is EXACTLY how I felt, and instead of being accepted by parents, schools, peers, I was thrown into the-rapy, and shamed by the above for desiring boys' toys, rejecting dolls, dresses, skirts, high heels, makeup, and playing girly games. I did NOT want a penis..I wanted to be treated equal. I told them all I 'wanted to be a boy' because I wanted to play all the boys' games, tag, exploring, riding my bike, being included in the boys' clubs and all the fun adventures, baseball, ice hockey and eventually getting into the martial arts. Even there, I wanted to do full contact karate in tournaments and because I was female I was NOT permitted to do so.

It had NOTHING to do with wanting a penis. It had to do with being treated as a societal EQUAL and allowed to do the activities I found fun and interesting and  I wanted NOTHING to do with domestic training which girls are EXPECTED to do and most of their games and activities are centered around.

By seeing barriers everywhere as a bio Female, and especially if one has resisted femininity and feminization(tomboy, Butch, nonfeminine) so many will respond with wanting to 'pass' as more male to get a sense of power in this world that femaleness does not give, unless it's the reflected mirrored power of sexualized female like movie stars, fashion divas and singers, no real power in the end, because sexualized ends up often being EXPLOITED Female, and the better jobs, pay, esteem that men get without being sexualized.  Men are taken far more seriously in ANY profession than women are and most often in the supervisory roles. This is even more true the higher up to the top of an organization one goes.  Boy children get way more attention than girl children do.

Until ALL these causes are addressed and the patriarchal system of male powerover changed at its roots, it never questions the underlying assumptions of the system, and transition is then mostly a coping mechanism for sheer survival for NOT conforming to proscribed sex roles. I want to see the NEED for transition ELIMINATED.

When we had STRONG Lesbian communities that Questioned all these things, Butches had REAL PRIDE in their POWERFUL FEMALE BEINGS. We saw ourselves as the fierce Amazon Warriors that were going to make some real change, and create our own alternative societies, institutions, spaces, and make inroads into male trades as in the Tradeswomen movement, largely founded by Butch Dykes...but as Feminism and Lesbian Feminism as IT'S OWN movement faded, and blended into the queerified LGBT movement, Butches began questioning their femaleness, more and more and more began to transition and we lost all those strong Lesbian and Female networks and PRIDE.

For many of us 'Cis' is a hate word. As a Bio Female Butch DykeAmazon, I have ALWAYS resisted hetero sex roles or 'female gender roles', ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS...but I am not male, NOR DO I WANT TO BE or to transition. I am NOT cis, I am bio female and a womon born womon. Cis is a term the trans have invented, it is NOT a term many of us Female Proud Butches, Dykes, or born females have chosen for ourselves. We NAME ourselves, and for many of us, no matter what the trans, gender, genderqueer movements think, we are Women born women, bio female from birth, raised as girls in a society oppressive to girls and women, and we go through puberty as girls (whether sex role conforming or not)facing menstruation and our bodies naturally changing, the possibility and fear of impregnation, and all the sexism inherent in that and in our lives as continuous Females. There is a huge difference between us and those who claim womanhood after being born and living as male for any period of time.  Even with the heartache some of not 'fitting in' they still have had male privileges NO born female has EVER had.

So while you understand the sexist society we live in 'gendertherapist', you firmly have your foot already in the 'gender camp' and are making a living at it!

Continue to question is what I say, in a society that limits our choices severely, through policies, religion, convention, books, magazines, movies, media, schools, medicine including psychology and psychiatry, everything at it's base is in the heart and milieu of the patriarchy. NOTHING is separate from it. Those who don't conform are punished, sometimes even WITHIN their own communities and the immense pressure now for any tomboyish girl or butchy young womon to transition to male, genderqueer, take hormones, wear breast flattening vests to hide their breasts, and the expose you did on female athletes, and the PEER PRESSURE by others once she has come into the community to go down those roads. It is rampant in San Francisco now, which is why I hardly go over there anymore..as a Butch, it hurts me to my CORE to know strong Butches I used to know, and even young ones, SUCCUMBING to the immense pressure by peers to go down the road of breast flattening, being called by male pronouns, take hormones, and then eventually schedule themselves for breast removal surgeries.....

I know they are often lost, when it starts in the brain: the whole, 'you look and act like a man, so you must BE ONE.' that Butches have been told ad infinitum for DECADES if not centuries and millenia, because the world CANNOT Handle fully empowered nonfeminine conforming, Butch, Amazon, independent masculine appearing women who stand their ground, and effeminate men who differ from the macho norm. Question THE SYSTEM.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

'Socialized trans' It's about young Butches being pressured to identify as Trans, genderqueer, FTM from all the peer pressure in queer society, especially the trans movement, but also from the straight world

Felt this is an important article, so am including the website address for you to put on your webbrowser.


Here's the whole article below, with her permission and all. Also some good commentaries in response.

reflectin' & dissectin', thoughts on "detransitioning"

Socialized “Trans”

by crashchaoscats

[Note: this essay draws largely from my own experience and so only covers the experience of female-bodied people, primarily those who are butch or have “masculine” attributes. I believe that females who aren’t butch or “masculine” can also be socialized “trans” but I don’t know enough to talk about that. Perhaps if others find this concept helpful, they could add what they’ve learned from their own experiences to help expand it.]
One way to describe part of my experience is to say that I was socialized “trans”. That is, people assumed I was trans and treated me how they thought a trans person ought to be treated regardless of how I identified myself at the time. This treatment over time began to effect how I saw myself, helped to instill a trans male identity and encouraged me to transition. I think this is a phenomena that effects many females who are butch, “masculine” or otherwise don’t fit conventional “femininity”.

When I say that females are socialized “trans”, I mean that they’re treated as though their qualities, behaviors, mannerisms, appearances, and so forth are taken as indicators that they’re trans and so they get male pronouns, get asked when they’re going to transition, complimented on how well they pass, etc.
In my own circumstances, I would say being socialized “trans” included finding that my choice of name, clothing, physical features, interests, mannerisms and overall qualities were judged male by many people. These people decided that these qualities meant I was a boy with a female body rather than a girl with characteristics usually associated with boys and so it was therefore appropriate to use male pronouns without consulting me about my preferences. People used male pronouns to refer to me not only because they thought I preferred them but also because they seemed more comfortable using them to describe me. I was also told what a cute boy I made many times. On my own, I was considering that I could be trans but having many other people label me as such certainly reinforced that possibility and made it seem more likely.
Crucially, this socialization also consisted of a lot of positive reinforcement. That is, when people decided I was trans and treated me accordingly they were often at the same time trying to show respect or be friendly. I didn’t receive the same sort of treatment as a butch dyke. When people “accepted” me as a trans dude they also integrated me into their social scene. People listened to me when I talked about being trans, gave me an opportunity to hold forth on my life. There’s this dynamic that can arise between trans people and trans allies where trans people get support and attention from allies and allies gain political/socially progressive cred for being friendly and cool with someone society thinks is a freak. Such a relationship typically contains some degree of objectification of the trans person, ranging from being slightly tinted by it to being totally pervaded.
I don’t believe my experience of being socialized “trans” is totally unique. I think there are different degrees of it and it effects people differently. Some people just get annoyed when they’re presumed trans because they don’t see themselves that way. Other people can start to internalize it. This does not make the latter group weak, only human. People are very social creatures, very open to the influence of others. If you keep encountering people who make the same judgments about you over and over again, you may very well begin to think there’s some truth to them. Much of our sense of self is influenced and reinforced by other’s perceptions.
This “trans” socialization consists of several components. One is deciding that certain actions, appearances, practices etc are signs that a person is trans/male rather than a woman, female, and/or butch. This is based off the assumptions that any perceived “masculinity” is maleness and that stepping outside the female role and temperament makes one not a female. This belief that being/acting a certain way puts one outside “woman” or “female” can be an unconscious policing of the female category, a way to ensure that its boundaries are maintained. These judgments and assumptions are also linked to the belief that “man are like this, women are like that” and that these differences are fixed and innate and due to biology, not culture. Therefore if a female is “like a male” then they must be biologically male in some sense because biology is what makes someone “like a male” or “like a female”. There is constant propaganda that women and men are different and that these differences are rooted in the body and there’s not too much out there challenging these beliefs with the same force of those promoting them.
Another part is treating the presumed trans man’s behavior and self expression as more acceptable because they’re trans/male. This “masculinity” or whatever isn’t supposed to be present in a female body but being trans explains and makes it acceptable. What was unsightly, confusing or unnatural before is now something this person can feel entitled to. Males are still generally treated better than females and male “masculinity” is certainly better respected than female “masculinity”. I’ve found that people will treat me more like a human when I’m seen as a “normal” male instead of a female genderfreak. When I pass I don’t get stared at, people don’t get confused or disturbed and not know how to handle me and I don’t need to be as anxious about people fucking with me. Being seen as male can grant females more freedom to express themselves, ease some social burdens. We should not be surprised to find some females taking on trans male identities because of this.
Coming to see oneself as male can make regularly passing as such a more pleasant experience. If a female passes as a man and decides that they are one then every time they pass they’re being affirmed as what they are. If she passes as male but sees herself as a female/woman, then what she is is being rendered invisible and the message is conveyed that women like her are socially unthinkable. This culture doesn’t want to admit that women with “male traits” exist because it doesn’t want them to exist.
The many social benefits conferred on a female passing as male can lead them to take the maleness people read in them and make it a part of their own understanding of self. When people who know this person is female-bodied also read them as male, trans male in this instance, this reinforces the idea that because their actions, looks and so forth can pass for male, then they are male and this maleness is desirable. The outside world tells them that they pass for male, their close associates tell them their behavior makes them trans male and nowhere is femaleness being reinforced. Instead they’re being told again and again that they’re not female and will often find little to no representations of females who resemble them. In fact they might hear, as I did, about a lot of females who used to identify as dykes and/or butch but now identify as trans and maybe transitioned. In my own case, many of the females I did come across were not like me or what I wanted to be and many of the female-bodied folk who were like me were trans-identified or became so.
In this society at this particular moment, many women/females who don’t fit into conventional “femininity” are going to spend some time seeing themselves as trans/male or genderqueer before accepting themselves as women/females. A young female today who’s “masculine” enough to pass as male is likely to be presumed trans or genderqueer at some point because trans and genderqueer are becoming popular models for explaining why some people don’t match the prescribed qualities of their sex. A lot of unconventional females who’ve run up against the limitations of the female role in this society often spend some time dissociating from being female before they’re able to accept being so. Being socialized “trans” can extend this dissociation and encourage it. It can inhibit self-acceptance and feed self-hatred. In this context, taking hormones and getting surgery can be self-destructive.
Being trans can be a phase. We need social space to accommodate females who go through this phase and help them come out the other side because often, for this population at least, being trans is about self-hatred, internalized misogyny and/or homophobia and facing and working through that bullshit sucks. Realizing that you created an identity to fit into society because you learned that what you are is unacceptable can be really painful, overwhelmingly so, and there is virtually no resources for people going through this.
Radical feminists are some of the only people who acknowledge and provide support on issues like internalized sexism leading a person to transition. I don’t agree with everything they say, in fact I disagree with most of them pretty frequently, but I end up going to Rad Fem sites a lot because they are some of the only people talking about issues that have deeply effected me and I find radical feminist perspectives on gender pretty compelling after my own struggles with it. And people wonder why so many ex-FtMs end up radical feminists. Could it be that sometimes they have a point and they’re the only ones willing to say it? Plenty of people will say similar shit privately but not openly because they’re afraid of how they’ll be judged. The trans community contributes to a backlash against it when it fails to acknowledge that there are problems, that not every person who comes out as trans or transitioning is really finding themselves.
While some trans people go to great lengths to show that they’re transitioning to make peace with their bodies, not to fit into gender roles and stereotypes, many other trans people and much of the more widespread conceptions of transsexuality are bound up with traditional ideas of gender. There is a reactionary current within the web of ideas and practices that make up the social phenomena of transsexuality and it can fuck people up. Transsexuality isn’t one thing. People don’t call themselves trans or transition for the same reasons. I’m inclined to see people shaped by their social circumstances, so I’m also inclined to questions how those circumstances effect people’s identities and behaviors. I don’t think trans people are any more or less shaped by their culture than any other groups of people, nor do I doubt that most trans people are just trying to live as authentically as they can. Still, I see how people can be influenced to take on a trans identity in response to how gender operates in this culture, either to conform to it or consciously “subvert” it (The same person can do both, as I did) and I find both tendencies questionable and worthy of examining critically. It’s worth asking if many people could be transitioning for social reasons rather than innate drives. Overall, I think this phenomena of females being socialized “trans” or denying their femaleness for a time is a product of the overall society we live in but the trans community is sometimes complicit with this and when any community colludes with sexism and misogyny it deserves to face criticism.
Many queer and trans people say they think gender is a social construct but I don’t feel like they always acknowledge the full implications. It doesn’t just mean that gender norms are made up and we can defy them or make up our own genders. It means that we are influenced by these norms even if we rebel against them. If gender is socially generated then a person’s sense of gender can be influenced by cultural trends and as culture changes, new norms and rules can arise. Something formally taboo can become a standard people are measured against and I see this happening with trans identities. Trans can be another definition forced onto people, another idea through which a person’s being and behavior can be interpreted and judged. Just as there can be pressure for a male to be a “manly man” or a female to be “girly”, there can be pressure to call oneself trans or transition if one’s actions are considered “inappropriate” or strange for one’s sex. This is not only a possibility, it is a reality. I have been socialized “trans” and I know I’m not alone.
If trans dudes and butch, “masculine” and otherwise unconventional females are going to coexist we need to talk about this shit. If trans people are serious about supporting all people who get fucked over by gender then this issue needs to be addressed. The trans community needs to acknowledge that social forces like sexism can lead people to transition and that for some people being trans is a phase, perhaps a harmful one. I’m tired of seeing any mention of social pressures to transition dismissed as transphobic. Not all trans people are guilty of this. I’ve met a few trans folks who straight up said that they’re not sure if they’d have transitioned if society was different. Recently too, I looked up some old discussions I first read years ago on an FtM online community about whether transitioning was becoming a trend, whether it was cooler to be a FtM than a butch female, and concern that many people were rushing into transition or transitioning for the wrong reasons. I recall reading similar conversations on other sites as well. Today though, it seems that, in some communities at least, these conversations have become less acceptable and un-PC.
Silence about these issues in the trans community is not the only problem though or even the main one. It’s this whole genderfucked culture and the people who buy into it, the vast majority of whom are not trans. Most of the people who assumed I was trans were not trans themselves, many had not knowingly met a trans person before. Many non-trans folks who thought I was trans had very narrow ideas of what being trans was and only supported those trans identities that fell in line with their own assumptions of gender. When I was a teenager, people would tell me how they though my ex and his boyfriend, who was also FtM, weren’t really trans because they were both too feminine and “unmanly”. These people, who were mostly gay or bi, couldn’t understand trans fags at all. They told me their doubts because to them I was a “real” trans guy who could substantiate their judgments. At the time though, I was far from sure that I was actually trans. These folks assumed I was “really trans” because I was “masculine” and easily passed but questioned these two trans dudes because they didn’t conform to their ideas of what men were. This “trans” socialization then is often not so much about promoting any and all trans identities as using transsexuality to reinforce already established standards of gender. The core problem is that we’re living in a patriarchy and the ultimate task is to challenge it and the sex/gender order than sustains it. Quite a daunting task indeed and one I’m still figuring out how to practically advance.
In the meantime, there needs to be more support and resources for females who don’t fit gender norms. More specifically, there need to be spaces created for women who’ve denied their femaleness, transitioned due to internalized misogyny, called themselves trans, and/or lived as men before they found a way to accept themselves as women/females. There seem to be quite a lot of us out there but we’re nowhere near as organized as other communities. There isn’t really a community of us yet but I feel the need to help create one.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

August 9th, 2013 my Birthday

Well, it's been a hard year at 52....work has been scarce, very scarce, especially in my Trade, and too many obstacles to try to obtain it. So in the Fall of 2012 I took a parttime job working for a Democratic candidate going door to door stumping for votes. I could do this because I was NOT asking for money. I drove other coworkers and we would each work our own blocks. I met folks from many different races and ethnicities, ages, and classes....I found the rich folks to be the most selfish, Democrats much easier to deal with than Republicans, and generally friendlier, the same with working class/poor folks vs those better off. Of course we were working for a Democratic candidate, but there's generally a huge correlation of class between more working class Democrats, vs more well off Republicans.

Sometimes the scariest neighborhoods were the friendliest...and people were concerned about my safety(I was too) but the richer neighborhoods were snooty and I got to the point that I never cared to see or hear from a dog again, dreading every door I walked up to that had one, or 3 in the case of smaller dogs....

Folks were worried about their livelihoods, had real fears about the economy and genuinely hoped the candidate could help them and address their issues. There was always at least one person I spent a good 15 minutes with hearing their story, before moving on...sometimes an elderly woman whose husband had recently died and she wondered how she was going to pay her bills, same with a gay man whose partner had died...an Indian family where the husband had a hard time getting work, and worried about the economy and if he'd be able to support his family, their shoes lined outside the door and I could smell the delicious Indian food.

Some of them worried about their healthcare or what Obamacare  meant for them. Sometimes it was a young person who saw no point in voting and I told them they NEEDED their opinion represented, since they would inherit the world from us, and not to sit on the sidelines.

Then there was one unincorporated town with big huge houses far apart, which on the surface represents the rich, but underneath was thoroughly redneck and fairly Republican....these folks were often rude to me. I remember one block where someone shouted at me: "How do you like your Socialist President?" when I wore an Obama shirt that day. I also stumped for defeating an anti union bill, so I also represented the Union while working for this Candidate, and it was great connecting with all the Union households. It was a learning experience to connect with so many people from so many different backgrounds.

Since we worked around Halloween it was wonderful to see how all out some people went with their yards for Halloween, quite creatively!

Then I didn't have work for awhile till I worked for a big hardware retailer for 3 months in my field. I found myself educating customers to our products in my department but also answering questions with them about my trade. There were the professional customers who knew what they were doing, but some of the do it yourselfers were truly frightening. They really had very little knowledge of my profession, and yet they were going to do these projects around their homes with no or very little experience. I educated them to the best of my ability what to do, and which products to get for their projects, but if the questions got too intense, I suggested they hire a worker in the field who knew how to install them properly. Some of the men got real testy about that(too much testosterone of course) and said they could do it..and I had to finally let it go. If they want to destroy their homes because of improper installation and refusal to hire a professional because the project was beyond their level of experience or knowledge, then there was nothing I could do about it.  The women were far more willing to be open to suggestion and I think they really enjoyed having a womon who knew about the field they could ask questions.

But the hours of the job constantly got rotated, from days to evenings, whichever I allowed in my schedule, and no schedule or days were set in stone...it changed from week to week. Hard to really schedule the rest of one's life around such an unstable schedule. And the number of hours were never permitted to be above 29, and often quite below that. Finally I'd had it when our numbers got reduced and I started feeling used. I never worked for such a big corporation before in my life. Very, very corporate, anti-union, even though catering and SELLING to union members in the trades, but not for the employees. And no employee discount with low pay. All the years in my trade, all the questions I answered and even customers who came back and ASKED for me because I knew my stuff! It did help me stay on my toes in my field and challenged me! No hope of ever getting on fulltime, and I was laid off shortly before the end of the 90 day probationary period. Frustrating....

My partner has had some serious health struggles this year, and I know I have some hidden ones too. The dizzy thing came back a week ago, I had it for 6 weeks a year ago, but fortunately this time it only lasted a day...

However on a good note, we have been looking at our diet(often breaking it) but trying to juice and generally eat much healthier. We mostly eat at home these days, partly because of money issues, partly for health. And we have been swimming 2-3 days a week since February.

For my birthday, when I worked recently in my field and made some good money  I bought two new swimming suits I desperately needed since mine was falling apart, and also some beautiful neon green tennis shoes, VERY COMFORTABLE, some for her, an A's hat and A's shirt, same for her....and we went to an A's game. Also I bought myself a leather armband at Dore Alley Fair, and a beautiful leather pouch with crosstrap for her. It was nice having money, at least for two weeks, where we could enjoy ourselves. But that job took everything from me, and I was sad I got laid off after two weeks, as I was hoping the job would last longer, I could pay off more bills and save....

I had no energy left over, and came home in ALOT of pain. I could see my aging. My wrists really hurt from the repetitive motion, as well as my back and about everything else. Construction work is HEAVY WORK...compared to the other two jobs....where mostly what I had to endure was walking or standing on my feet.

I am hoping that this year ahead I figure out what I really want to do with my life workwise, and find the perfect situation where I'm paid decently, have good co workers and folks on the job who truly appreciate me, and I can use my mind and my skills. I bore easily. And I have a creative side I'd really like to bring to the rest of my life and my work.

I feel saddened that I chose NOT to go to my womyn's spirituality festival this year, but I had to deal with some dramarama from the steering committee as I called them on some issues and it was really a nasty piece of work. But truthfully, I really couldn't afford it, from the little work I've gotten(unless I didn't do that shop till you drop at Sports Authority!) and sad as I  am that I don't get my Land time to renew, I had to take a break from the personalities....

NEXT YEAR MICHFEST!!! And maybe hopefully I'll get to celebrate my birthday on the Land at Michfest! Meanwhile I'd like to find a way to be as happy at home as I am on Land, and have all my Selves integrated: Sexual, Spiritual, Right Livelihood, Intellectual, and Psychic!

My brother sent me back the check I sent him for his 50th, which saved me some money, and $53 cash to represent my current birthday. He too has struggled as he was let go from his job, a big mess, but he just had an interview today on my birthday, and it sounded good.

Best I can do is turn it over to the Goddess, keep working out, keep swimming, keep loving my partner and kitties, and reaching out to my friends and likeminded Sisters on the internet! We are growing our DykeAmazon Movement all over again, for ALL Lesbians to be free, and connect with one another: Black, White, Red, Brown, all races, ages, ethnicities, Leather, non Leather, into Goddess worship, womyn's mysteries, Amazon Warriors, Witches, Wisewomyn, Lesbians who remember, Lesbians who missed out, Dykes who are Proud to be Female, Sister Butches, and all those who want womyn throughout the world to be powerful and free and to save this beautiful Planet Mother Earth from destruction and Her creatures.

                                         -In DykeAmazon Sisterhood,

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ruth Barrett's Interview


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Women in the Woods

Here's a Lesbian Only event that is WBW only for those interested....and coming up at the end of August, no I've never been, but if any of you have, please let us know about it and what it was like.
                                                  -In Sisterhood,


Monday, August 5, 2013

Make tree of life pendant!


Employment Discrimination Against Lesbians and other issues

This indeed is my greatest oppression, and that of other Butch Lesbians I know, including my spouse: getting, staying and progressing in the work environment. Lesbians who 'pass' better or with really specialized skills and training and college may be able to overcome some of this, but for those I know on the more working class side, obviously Butch, in the Trades or Social Services, we get the brunt of it, and I have had a very hard time since the Great Recession retaining and keeping work on a steady basis in my field in particular(construction).

So here goes my first quote from Liberation Collective: http://liberationcollective.wordpress.com/

Under: "There is No T in Lesbian"

"Employment discrimination against lesbians
As described by Margaret Ryniker in her article, “Lesbians still face job discrimination,” lesbians are in the unique position of facing sexual harassment as women and, at the same time, discrimination because of their sexual orientation. Lesbians also represent a larger percentage of female workers in male-dominated fields, making them even more vulnerable to workplace harassment and discrimination. And in the U.S., a woman can be fired in over half the states just for being a lesbian.
Yet the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which would provide protection for lesbians from being fired just for being lesbian, has still not been passed by Congress. There was a window of time when it might have been passed, but trans* activists very effectively derailed that opportunity to fight for their own rights instead of the rest of their coalition’s rights. Outrageously, most of their socio-political resistance has focused on the inclusion of language allowing males to use female bathrooms on the basis of gender identity. (Also note at that link the hateful language used toward a gay member of Congress.)
In 2007, when Congressman Barney Frank was trying to get ENDA passed, even the Washington Post had some advice: “Delaying passage of ENDA, which was first introduced in the House in the mid-1970s by Rep. Bella Abzug (D-N.Y.), until the transgender community changes enough hearts and minds would be a mistake.” They may have said this because Frank was getting no help from Gay, Inc. In fact, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was far more interested in trans* inclusion than in fighting for the named constituents of their organization.
Large political/legal groups don’t focus on lesbians’ issues and concerns
In addition to their fight against the better judgement of members of Congress, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force has been known to create their annual conference program without any mention of issues and interests specific to lesbians."

And to add to that, here is a direct quote from the previous article(which I linked instead of quoted) from Victoria Brownworth on 'Why do Straight Feminists Hate Lesbians?" about the employment and other distinctly LESBIAN issues!

"Lesbian-rights issues abound, but I have yet to see a straight, liberal feminist address those issues as if they were her own. When I wrote about anti-lesbian "corrective rape" for The Advocate, the response from straight, liberal feminists was resounding: crickets.
Employment discrimination is a fundamental issue for lesbians. Where is the straight feminist outrage over lesbians being fired for being gay, or over lesbians who don't pass as straight being unable to access employment? Where is the discourse over lesbians being denied visitation with their children? Where is the concern over lesbians being barred from seeing their partners in hospitals or nursing homes? What about the lesbian cancer epidemic or the inability of lesbians to access non-homophobic health care? How about lesbians and poverty? And lesbians who have been raped, as I wrote about here last month? What about us?"-Victoria Brownworth

"Why Do Straight Feminists Hate Lesbians" By Victoria Brownworth

I agree with most of her article and she brings up many, many points where Lesbian needs, issues and visibility are given short shrift, especially those of us who are OBVIOUS Dykes, and Butch, or Big Butches, and in no way demure or cater to men lookswise. Even she plays into some of that. But all the issues she brings up, MANY of us Dykes deal with on a daily basis. While 'hate' might seem like a bit of a strong word in relation to straight feminists, because there are those who can be allies, there ARE many straight women including liberal straight feminists who feel VERY UNCOMFORTABLE around obvious Lesbians or Butch Dykes.....and make it clear in many subtle and sometimes obvious ways.

Here's the link:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/victoria-a-brownworth/why-do-straight-feminists-hate-lesbians_b_3695587.html

If you need to see the whole article, I can cut and paste it, but don't want to get in trouble for doing so.
                                                   -In Sisterhood,

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Cut out the reference to "Judeo-Christian" ethic PLEASE! Our histories are VERY DIFFERENT!

Ok, could we CUT OUT, the whole reference to "Judeo-xtian ethic" because as a Jew ethnically and raised Jewish, even though I practice Goddess worship now, we DON'T recruit. That's the HUGE difference between Jews and xtians. And I can tell you over and over again how xtians CONSTANTLY TRIED to convert me when in junior high, high school and college, how in grade school I had to always ask to have our holidays off like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and how in parochial school we read from the xtian bible it being an xtian school, not a Jewish one(till I went to schools that were NOT religious).

How there are MANY xtians who hate Jews, misunderstand Jews, assume we all don't eat pork or we eat kosher or that on Passover we sacrifice babies or did, and we are told that 'Jews are the killers of Jesus' by ignorant people.

So, I FEEL for ANY indigenous, native, 3rd world peoples forcibly pressured into xtianity, as many Jews were in the past, often to avoid discrimination, harassment or even death, because xtians go around trying to convert EVERYONE, but Jews DO NOT. And we are a small minority who faced our OWN genocide just a bit more than 65 years ago at the hands of the Nazis!


In response to Women Warriors: She is a Counter Patriarchy Machine


From M.A.- I had a dream and vision about this in the '80's, the most radical time of the Feminist/Lesbian and womyn's spirituality movements. I don't talk often of it, but your words here, in this article speak to that. When womyn FINALLY wake up, and realize the Warriors they are, the Witches, the Shamans, the Powerful spiritual, psychic and physical beings we can be, especially TOGETHER in Sisterhood, and gathering together, like MIchfest, and other womyn's Festivals and Circles, and the MAGIC we can do to STOP the patriarchy. We need to ripple that out into EVERY aspect of our lives and never stop connecting with one another, affirming one another in our mutual Powers and strengths COLLECTIVELY.

That dream consisted of being taken above the Planet by Goddess and witnessing the holes in the world, where poverty and violence were occurring the worst, Africa, somewhere's near Europe, several holes that could ONLY be filled by bringing back Female Power and Female Energy, by Goddess, by womyn in their Power doing the Rebalancing, Before our lovely Planet Mother Earth is destroyed for good by these pricks!

It was an immensely POWERFUL dream, one of those Life Changing dreams, and it explained to me WHY I'm doing the work I'm doing(no not for pay) WHY I continue to circle with womyn, why I continue to be a DykeAmazon, why I continue to share Amazon mysteries, and circle with womyn, and believe so strongly about rebalancing with our Female energies, and connection with Goddess. Why every womon alive needs to shed the shame, the veils, the chains and every other attachment to male power that binds her, including male dominated religion which owns her heart, her soul and her body, keeping her chained to men and male rule on the most intimate levels. And so much more, why we are ALL doing the work we are doing! Goddess Awaken, Goddess Arise in the Hearts of ALL WOMYN, and ALL WOMYN RISE NOW!!!!
                                              -In Sisterhood,

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

"If My Vagina Was a Gun" by Katie Heim from Austin, Texas

I just LOVE this, it's powerful, to the point, and addresses the Texas Legislature in passing strict abortion  laws that would ban abortions in most of the state. I feel it's a powerful piece....and speaks to how women's bodies are being so regulated, while folks get to carry guns that actually KILL and we still can't pass strong gun control laws to stop the killings!                                  -M.A.
Countless people stepped up to testify before the Texas Senate committee on the restrictive abortion law, which would essentially ban abortions in most of the state. One stood out as Katie Heim from Austin bravely gave her testimony before the committee in the form of a poem titled, “If My Vagina Was a Gun.”

“If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights,

You would ride on buses and fight all the fights.

If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care,

You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there.

If my vaginas was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private

From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot.

If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected,

no matter the body count or the children affected.

If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security,

concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity.

If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you,

I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do.

But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing,

With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring.

Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic,

So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic.

My vagina’s here to demand from the source,

Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.”

Monday, July 8, 2013

Honor the She by Grace Skrobisz

Honor the She

by Grace Skrobisz  on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 2:02pm

What will happen to the poetry
After all our words have been co-opted and commodified
How can one just stand by
And believe they are justified
In their dissension
That lacks critical thought and analyzation

We must dig deep these days
To stay true to our roots
We must dig deep these days
To keep our roots in the ground

As the landslide of misogyny
And the erosion of integrity
Floods our streets
With blocked water drains of shame

It’s a struggle to battle the game
It’s a struggle to battle in this game

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn
And although America finally elected a good president
(after eight years of stolen elections)
the damage was done
the damage was done
and so far away seems the dawn
and so far away seems the dawn

We must dig deep these days
To stay true to our roots
We must dig deep these days
To keep our roots in the ground

And let’s stop fucking around
With all this post-post-post
Post everything trend
Because the one thing
That isn’t ‘post-‘
Is the bullshit
That is co-opting reality and definition
With the politics of identification
Trying to put biology itself
Into extinction

And let’s get one thing straight:
I’m not
Yet my love has no bounds
Of race, class, creed,
Sex or gender
Except I’m still not convinced
That this thing called ‘gender’
Actually exists

But I do know the war wages on
Against women of my female sex
Seems the power to give birth
Is the newest ‘weapon of mass destruction’
To be searched for in the Mother Earth’s caves
But this Power of Mass Creation
Is what actually exists

So quick, check all your notifications
And re-post all your memes
Stay glued to all your gadgets
The webinet
And all glowing screens:

Mother Earth is powerful
And Females are Strong
And many of us have woken up
And are refusing to play along

So give thanks for your life
The body bestowed upon thee
Give honor to the She
Give honor to the She
Because we are the reason
You breathe

Stop focusing on image
It makes one’s soul thin
Go back to within
Where She keeps the love and the healing
Stop hating your body
Stop playing along
With the lies we spoon-feed ourselves
With media’s smoking gun

Because you are perfectly you
And so am i
You are perfectly you
And so am i
And so are you
And so am I
And so are you

Hold fast to the poetry
Feel Her sing to your soul
Dig deep to stay true to your roots
And honor the She
And honor the She
She’ll keep you whole

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

From 'Dear Patriarchy-Die! She has the Power! On "Surviving the Agent" by Michele Braa-Heidner

I feel this is a VERY IMPORTANT piece about naming the agent of male violence against females, and how we as women, including even Lesbian women to a big extent accomodate our behaviors to survive under patriarchal rule and placate men so they will not harm us: whether physically, sexually, economically, intellectually or spiritually, or on any or all of those levels. We have been under rule so long, it's very hard to see our way out, and Michele's piece here is one way to see our way out of the lies, the smokescreens and distortions of the truth behind our situation as womyn. 

We can no longer afford the erasures, excuses or distortions of naming the agent of male violence against women. It is so comprehensive that it defines who we are, how we move in the world, what we are able to do and not do, and shrinks our powers, our opportunities and our abilities.

Here's to stepping out of our victimization, growing our Powers, seeing clearly through, defining ourSelves and names for our Selves, and trusting our deepest Knowings so we can expand  fully into who and what we are capable of being as females and as womyn!  Part of that ability to 'see through it all' I learned on not just intellectual but gut feeling and spiritual/psychic levels being on women's land every year, and being around and amongst women only during these times. It would take me about two days to unwind..and open up, and by the time we had to leave, I'd be completely psychically open. The saddest thing was leaving and having to go back to the prison of patriarchy. I became so much more intuitively/psychically powerful, creative, inspired, and open.  Hopefully we can all see our way through. And gain ALL our Powers and Abilities once again, trust one another and our deepest Intuitions and Knowings, and see the Truth for what it really is, not through male distortions.
                                             -In Sisterhood,

Surviving the Agent

24 Jun Our language and the way we name our world is not only extremely important, but also extremely revealing. When we analyze our language we find out many things about the culture that uses that language. In patriarchy, women are victims and to show women as victims is right, normal and beneficial for patriarchy. Female victimization is an integral part of patriarchy and without it, patriarchy would not exist. Patriarchy needs females to be victims. It needs females to feel like victims; otherwise, uppity females would stop their own enslavement. They would stop participating in patriarchy. They would wake up and realize that they are sleeping with the enemy. They would understand that they have Stockholm’s Syndrome and seek treatment and they would begin to stand up for themselves. Patriarchy and men cannot have this. Never naming the agent, male violence, is one tool in the patriarchal language box that works to oppress women. Language is a powerful tool that we take for granted as benign; however, it is anything but.  Language has a profound effect on our brains.
Graham wrote: “Language, like the affiliative qualities of women, is frequently disparaged in our culture. Language often is spoken of as “just words”, as if it had no power or reality. But Feminist science fiction (like literature generally) makes us aware of the true power language possesses to make or remake our worlds. A language will reflect the dominant language using group’s view of reality. And the controversy generated when the existing structures of and assumptions about a language are challenged by a subordinate group shows that language is anything but trivial.”
The beginning of the written language has the same origins as patriarchy, patriarchal religions and the rise of men, and with the written word the Bible was born. Language and words actually changed our brains and changed us.  I could go as far as saying that written language actually mimics our beliefs and ideals and vice-verse, much like religion and mythology. The language of patriarchy is no small thing. Hidden within this male language are ideals that are not female friendly; ideals that continue to oppress women internally and externally.  Women and men are taught to speak in very different ways and these differing ways are mirror images of patriarchal ideals.
Women learn to speak in the passive voice. Men learn to speak primarily in the assertive voice. Men speak from a place of “I” or identity, strong in the belief that they exist as independent human beings. Women rarely speak from a place of  “I” because they are not strong in the belief that they exist as independent human beings, quite the contrary, they speak from a place of non-existence, of invisibility because in a male dominated society women have had to survive men. Men obscure women in our society and men are the default for both male and female human beings and our language reflects this. In our language there are numerous literal examples of this mentality, the most blatant and the most detrimental for women are the message we receive with the labels or words that define us:
All of these words that we use to name females have within them male names. Moreover, these male names are complete, whole words. The parts that make the word female are incomplete add-ons to the male words and without them, they are only letters, passive appendages that amount to nothing on their own. This mirrors the idea in our society that women are not complete without men; that women are not autonomous human beings. Moreover, when women use these names to describe themselves, they internalize the meaning, and the meaning is devastating. 
Violence against women is a very good example of patriarchal language and the passive voice or what Mary Daly calls “male speak.” When we attempt to name the problem of male violence by truncating it and calling it violence against women, we do two profound things. On a language level, we take away the noun or referent, male that the word violence is dependent on. Without the referent, the perpetrator of the violence, the word violence is meaningless and rendered passive.  All human beings understand that violence doesn’t just happen, there has to be a violator. By amputating male from male violence, we then have a dependent word that is absent it’s referent thereby making our minds desperate to hang its hat on another referent, and devoid of any other choice we attach it to women. Thus, when we read, violence against women, our minds automatically albeit subconsciously, attach the missing violator onto women, ultimately blaming women for the violence against them.
Moreover, on a non-language level, when we amputate male from male violence we deny the existence of the perpetrator and we keep the conversation at the level of female victimization, ideas equally beneficial to patriarchy and the oppression of women. How can we solve male violence if we don’t even name it? We are essentially running in circles. We try to solve the issue without addressing the actual issue. Men are responsible for their violence, not women. When we attempt to name the problem with abstract words like; domestic violence, the war on women & violence against women, it has the opposite effect of erasing the actual problem–male violence.
When we hear the word domestic used to describe a type of violence, domestic becomes the perpetrator and since we all know that the realm of domesticity in patriarchy is considered to be a female realm, we automatically conjure up images of women, vacuuming, mopping, doing laundry, looking after children and so on; therefore, equating the word domestic with women. This yet again leads us to the conclusion that with domestic violence, women are the perpetrators and the victims. In other words, women must have done something to deserve the violence. Moreover, since women and domesticity are not relevant in our society, neither is domestic violence, the problem is circular;  women violence, violence women, she deserves violence therefore violence deserves her, it is a snake feeding on its own tail.
Similarly, when we name male violence, the war on women, we again hide the actual problem, which is male violence. This works in two negating ways.  On both levels, language and otherwise, the war, points to an absent referent — the actual enemy that is waging the war — men. We have again caused a language deficit, therefore the war must seek out and attach itself to a referent or subject, which is women.  This implies that the war on women is a war that women created, women fight and women are victims too, another circular appeal–like a rat on a wheel–expending energy but never actually going anywhere.  We are speaking about male violence in a way that denies it.  It stunts the conversation at the level of female victimization, which in patriarchy is normalized and thereby invisible. When we hear the war, we should ask, what war? Who or what is waging this mysterious war, but we don’t, because the war is on women and nobody gives a damn about women!  The war on women then becomes a pesky little issue that women have and therefore need to solve, who cares if it is men who are waging this war, apparently that doesn’t matter.  Men waging war against women is just a part of patriarchy.
Not only have men enslaved women, but they have also created a misogynist language that alienates and demeans women every time they read or utter a word of it; a language that works like an eraser, erasing them slowly over time. Sometimes it’s prudent to ask oneself, why is it perfectly OK to include women in the attempt to name the problem, but not men, when it is men who are the problem? Violence against women, domestic violence and the war on women, silently, passively and from obscurity shout about the victimization of women, the dehumanizing of women, the blaming of women for male violence.  The language women are forced to use is, like women who must survive in patriarchy, gagged, like a woman who’s had her tongue cut out,  trying to scream a soundless scream.  Even in an attempt to solve the problem of male violence, women use the passive voice, the voice of the female victim, the female subordinate, the female subservient to talk about male violence. We do this because we don’t really want to solve it if it entails naming men as the problem. This is a symptom of Stockholm’s Syndrome, a well honed defense mechanism, to survive male violence.
It is quite ironic really, women trying to solve a problem without actually naming the problem, but ironic or not this is a symptom of terror. It is a learned survival behavior.  By denying that men are the problem, they are able to continue living with them hoping that they can continue to control at least his violence through subservience and femininity and with the false belief that her man will protect her from other men.  The passive descriptions, Violence, domestic & the war hang there detached without even a hint or suggestion that there is a hammer, attached to a hand, attached to an arm, attached to a man that is systematically bludgeoning women.
Dee L. R. Graham wrote in her book, Loving to Survive, Sexual Terror, Men’s Violence and Women’s Lives:
When women deny men’s violence against us, it is impossible for us to recognize that violence is an effort to maintain male domination, female submissiveness, and possibly even female love of men. Denial of male violence makes it impossible for women to recognize, much less understand, that our love of men and our (adopted) femininity may be attempts to limit men’s abuse of women. Denial of male violence also precludes the taking of steps to end violence.
Women have been conditioned through male violence and social pressure to ensure that men are happy or at least not angry because an angry man is a dangerous man and a dangerous man is not conducive to female survival. This survival instinct is hard wired into women due to thousands of years of male violence against women and even today it dictates all of our interactions with men.  Women have learned that if they want to survive they must decipher male moods and then administer salve or whatever is needed to make them less violent.  To do this women have had to take responsibility for men’s moods, feelings & behaviors.  This is even more complicated by the fact that women are taught that they don’t matter. Their identity only counts if their identity is supporting the male identity. Women cannot have an identity or self of her own. Consequently, women have learned to feel an extreme sense of responsibility for men:
Captive Is Hypervigilant Regarding the Captor’s Needs and Seeks to Keep the Captor Happy. In the Service of Keeping the Captor Happy, Captive Tries to “Get Inside the Captor’s Head.
To survive men, women have learned to navigate male moods and to do this, they have learned to empathize with a capital “E”.  Women empathize with men to such a degree that they take on male pain as if it were there own.  Women for the most part aren’t aware that this is hard wired into them. If I hadn’t read,  “Loving to Survive” by Dee L. Graham, I too would not have been aware that I was doing this myself.  I’ve always wondered why when I see a man, even a complete stranger cry, I feel like crying too. It tugs on my heart strings and I feel responsible for making him feel better. I realize now what this means. The very idea that I feel responsible for male pain and worse, that I do not feel this at all when I see a woman cry, makes perfect sense now. Knowing this however doesn’t feel very good. It makes me cringe inside. But there it is, patriarchal survival 101, and even I, a radical feminist, can’t escape it.
Because I am a woman, who must survive in a male dominated world, I have an investment in making sure men are less violent.  The need to decipher the male mood and work towards keeping them less violent is what women have done and continue to do because they believe that they can make a difference, that if they do everything right, if they are subservient enough, kind enough, loving enough, selfless enough, they can change him into a better human being. This belief is what keeps women from going off the deep end; regardless of whether or not it is true. Women need to feel safe, to have some sense of security even if this safety and security is an illusion. Women need to understand this phenomenon. Women need to understand why they behave the way they do. Why they ring their hands and feel responsible for men’s feelings and behaviors and why they stay with abusive men. It is all connected and if women understood this, they could take steps towards realizing that they too are sick with this disorder and would feel less compassion for men and more compassion for themselves and other women.  Ignorance in this case is only bliss for men, not women.  Ignorance also makes women less compassionate for other women who we see catering to their men.
Before coming across this knowledge, when I saw women doing this, walking on eggshells, catering to men, I would cringe because (or so I thought) it rubbed my radical feminist sensibility the wrong way; however, now even though subtle, I realize that I do the same thing when I interact with men. I also realized that it wasn’t about me being a radical feminist, but instead, me judging other women was a projection of my own self loathing. On the surface, it looks like women are needy and need male attention and approval. It may even look like compassion, but if you look deeper, you will find that this behavior comes from the need to survive male violence.  To survive, women must take on their abusers perception, get inside their heads in an effort to control their abuse,  in order to feel safer, they ultimately lose their own perspective and begin seeing themselves through men’s perspective.
“Captor Sees the World from the Captor’s Perspective. She or He May not Have Her or His Own Perspective. Captive Experiences Own Sense of Self through the Captor’s Eyes.”
Women believe that their best chance of survival, although brutal and painful, is to stay with the men they know (literally).  Knowing their men then replaces their own sense of safety, their fight or flight instincts.  Women then believe that men’s behaviors including abuse is their fault.  If men lash out at women ( non persons)  women are at fault because they are seeing themselves through their abusers eyes and instead of it being their abusers fault, she takes responsibility for it because she must have done something wrong to make him act that way.  She wasn’t timid enough, nice enough or what have you; therefore, it was her fault. Women blame themselves because they failed at doing the one thing they have learned to do for survival and that is to keep their men less violent.
Women also feel that it would be more dangerous to leave the male batterer that they know, then to be out in the world without protection from other men. She chooses instead to stay with him, wanting to believe that even though he is violent and even though he hurts her emotionally and physically, amongst a sea of male violence, he is her life preserver. She probably also knows that when she leaves him, he could hunt her down and kill her, which is quite common due to the lack of protection provided to women in our society. Ironically, men created the nuclear family to isolate women to ensure female subservience and complicity, and this arrangement has benefited men in many ways. What men did not bargain on was the female tenacity to survive and what these survival tactics would look like.
Women have had to become invisible to survive for thousands of years and taking that first step out of bondage, by letting go of what they believe is their life preserver (men) is frightening. So with this mentality, most women don’t rock the boat.  Most women don’t name the perpetrator and men continue to get away with violating women. In this insane world, women try to work on the problem that is male violence while at the same time hanging on to their life preserver for dear life. I’ve always argued that women temper male violence. That in places where there are no women such as male prisons and where women have no rights or power, where they are disenfranchised the most such as the Taliban in the Middle East, men are the most violent.  When men are left to their own devices, they tend to transgress into barbarians. And although my argument is true, my reasoning on why women are able to temper male violence was incomplete, because I didn’t have all of the information needed to really understand why. The reason of course is because in places where women are allowed even the minimum of rights, such as domestic rights and the right to emotionally support their husbands, women go to extremes to make men less violent.
One of the captor behaviors I’ve noticed in women is the aversion to defending themselves against male violence. I’ve consistently been bewildered by this because it just doesn’t make sense why any human being would not defend themselves against a threat of violence.  However, bewildered or not whenever I voiced my opinion about women needing to defend themselves by any means possible, I get women who oppose this idea vehemently.  Now that I am armed with more knowledge and I understand the symptoms and behaviors of  Stockholm’s Syndrome,  I am no longer puzzled about this phenomenon.  Because women have had to see the world from the captor’s perspective and not through her own perspective to ensure her own safety, the idea of harming men then is like harming themselves because their perception has been displaced into the male perception. Women more often then not, see their world through male eyes.  Consequently, the idea of women shooting men, even if doing it will save their lives, is uncomfortable. To shoot men, would be like shooting themselves because their sense of self is in men.
Defending themselves against male violence then is shot down because if women admit there is a threat or admit that they need to defend their lives they would have to admit that they are not safe regardless of their tireless efforts, which means it was all for naught and they have failed.  Women would then feel a loss of control, the false control they think they have gained by being subservient and feminine, being what men have trained them to be.  Over time women have evolved to believe that fighting men with violence doesn’t work. They understand on a deep level that it is like shooting a bear with a be be gun and it will most likely just anger them and the beating will be even worse; so women have learned not to fight back. Women believe that the only way to survive their predicament is to do what women have done for thousands of years, acquiesce, be nice, smooth things over, calm him down, be invisible. This is what works, this is what has always worked and doing anything other than this is —DANGEROUS.  This of course is an illusion but there it is. So when women oppose or refuse to fight men, we can understand why.
I now have so much more empathy and compassion for myself and other women because of my new understanding. Male violence is so normalized in patriarchy that we don’t even realize how much it affects our reality and daily lives. It’s like white noise in the background. But the truth is, it affects us tremendously and women have evolved in a specific way because of it.  Women are what we are today because of male violence, not in spite of it. Women’s behaviors then are dictated by the need to survive and the need to survive dictates that we keep men from being angry and violent. Everyone knows that women are very good manipulators. Everyone knows that women manipulate  to get “what they want” , believing that women do this out of selfishness.  What if this ability has evolved to keep men from victimizing us?  What if for women, getting “what they want” was about staying alive?
I’ve noticed that myself and others get extremely irritated when they see women manipulating others in real life, in the movies or on TV.  What is interesting is that women who manipulate are virulently hated, even though men are getting what they want by physical violence. It is extremely ironic. It really is ridiculous to believe manipulation is worse than physical violence, but we live in a male world and everything men do is revered, even violence and everything women do is frowned upon.  Men created the nuclear family to isolate and control women; however, there have been secondary ramifications of separating women from other women and pairing them up with men. Men did it to control women; and this has certainly been one result; however, their has been other results that may not have been foreseen. In the Nuclear family arena, women are better able to manipulate one man– their man — and control his behavior–even if they can’t do so outside the home. The home then becomes a woman’s control zone which equals safety and even if their husband or boyfriend beats them, it is a danger that they believe they can control. Women put all of the emphasis on herself. She takes responsibility for her behavior and his therefore she alone has control over the situation, the abuse. This is all an illusion of course but you can’t fault women for trying. Since women for the most part are less physically strong then men, they have and continue to fight them the only way they can through emotional manipulation.  Women are practiced in the art of emoting, men are not. In the emotional arena, women feel that they can prevail against men.
Patriarchy, horrible as it is, is probably tame compared to a patriarchy without women. Imagine what our world would be like if men were left to their own violent devices?  Would human beings have survived? In my opinion the male ego, entitlement and his lack of empathy for other human beings will be his ruin.  Men know that women without the dominance of men, would begin to wake up and realize the amount of energy they are putting into surviving men.  Men know that women would figure out that the energy they expend making sure men are less violent, could be spent on more important things. Men know that women who gather together are more likely to rebel.  What men don’t know, because in order to come by this knowing they would actually have to see and understand women for who and what they are instead of what they do for him, is that women have actually gained an advantage and that is the ability to manipulate men.  Because men have depended on women to temper their moods, they have limited capacity for doing this themselves; therefore, if women did decide to boycott men, take their energy back, separate from men and fight back, men would devolve into apes, after all men without women are at best, very much like the common chimpanzee.  Human evolution has been stagnant since the dawn of patriarchy and the only reason we have evolved at all is because of women, not in spite of them.
The answer? In my opinion, women need to understand why they behave the way they do and realize their behavior, although it was out of the need to survive male violence, is not actually stopping men from being violent. Women also need to realize the amount of power they have given men when they lose their own sense of self or perception in order to feel as if they can control men by being in their perception. Women need to wake up to the fact that men are going to be violent towards women regardless of what we do and that maybe, just maybe, female subordination and femininity is not healthy or a deterrent to male violence. If  women stop believing in the illusion that they can control male violence and that it is their fault if they can’t, they can begin to get out from under their denial, out from under the male perspective, their captors perspective and into their own perspective, ultimately seeing the epidemic of male violence against women for what it is, a serious threat. Then women can take steps towards protecting themselves and other women from that threat. Whether they purchase guns, learn how to use them and carry them on their person, or whether they choose other ways to defend themselves, the important thing is that women choose to protect their lives instead of continuing to protect men.
Michele Braa-Heidner

Here's my response to her on her blog: "June 26, 2013 at 3:00 am #
Wow! EXCELLENT ARTICLE! All I can say is: Thank Goddess I’m a Lesbian! I’ve been able to resist this all my life, and my family, outsiders, men and even some women have hated me for doing so. I’ve been Tomboy grow up to be Butch almost all my life…ever since I rejected dolls at age 7, dresses at age 10, and telling my grandfather I never wanted to marry(a man), or have children at age 12. How did I KNOW these things? I sensed this inequity at a very young age, and did my best to thoroughly resist it as much as possible, even when pressured to ‘give in’. I’m also glad I got into the Martial Arts at age 14, because I was able to defend myself in a way many women unfortunately cannot, but I think is so important for them to have the skills and confidence to be able to do so. It also empowered me to resist these messages.
I see another thing from male language and media: the man’s voice is always one of authority, of control, of expertise, and women’s voices are depicted as needy, housewifey, silly, or not to be taken as seriously. I’m so sick of the ‘man as expert/authority’ thing, but almost every ad, and certainly when it comes to the news and reporting, or announcements, there’s that male voice come on that’s ‘the expert’. I’m sure women reporters are up against this all the time, to make their voices equally as ‘weighty’ but they never can fully achieve it in a patriarchy.
When I teach Amazon mysteries and Self defense, in the ritual part, I get women to take on the POWER of Female animals willing to defend their young, or each other, whether it be the Bear, the Lionness, the Wolf, ect…..to get into their feral untamed Wildwomon Amazonian natures…..their Primal Female Selves, where they can FEEL their Power viscerally. Also by practicing kicks and punches on the bag, to feel their power in their bodies, to embody it…so many womyn are disconnected from their bodies. Sometimes due to sexual or physical violence, sometimes due to the huge expectations of what’s expected of a female body(thin, look a certain way, have a certain kind of cosmetic surgery if you don’t conform, ect.)
I agree women have been invisible for far too long…yours is a profoundly powerful article. May I repost it on my blog, all credit to you of course. Even as a Dyke, our sexuality is not our own(men think Lesbians are ok with a male present or wanting to watch, NO!!) or for het/bi women it’s about THEIR desire, everything in this world is used to service men, and if you don’t you won’t be employed, you won’t be rewarded, you will be villified in every manner possible, and the ultimate punishment is sexual or physical violence. (Corrective rape against Lesbians, physical violence against women who don’t conform/obey).
Men run most of the world’s religions, which are their institutions to continue to shame us and keep us in line, they own most of the corporations, run the governments, have the lion’s share of money, opportunities, good paying jobs and they do their best to keep us down, impoverished and out of the most lucrative positions and positions of power.
I absolutely agree: having been in the nontraditional trades, often in male only environments with very few or no other females, it is a rough, grey world with few amenities, threats to each other around staying working, competitiveness vs cooperation and dog eat dog…they keep their bathrooms and spaces messy and have to be told by supervisors to clean them up. EVERY woman who comes on the job, humanizes the job to a degree…they start cleaning up their language, stop telling some of the most offensive jokes, ect. The BIGGEST threat to men is when women organize, have our OWN groups, conferences, ect. and always there’s the conflict between women who want to keep our groups/conferences strictly women only, and those who want to let the menz in….and the menz are constantly agitating to be let in, like they want to look through the peephole in the bathroom as to what the women are doing…..they ALWAYS want to keep tabs on us, and/or have other women who WILL keep tabs on us report back to them, or allow them in. They deny us private space AWAY from them, while maintaining their own.
I also loved you naming the English words for womonhood….and I’d sure like to know some alternatives. I HATE FeMale…because you hear male in it…I try to spell womon, womon or womyn, especially if I’m talking about Lesbian or nonpatriarchal womyn…but my FAVORITE words are Dyke and Amazon…or for me, DykeAmazon, because NEITHER refers to men, within either word!
Anyway thank you very much for your article and let me know if it is ok to put it on my blog DykesforDykes, all credit to you!
-In Sisterhood,