this may be a stream of consciousness share but I'm going to talk about how all women that is all bio female women have gender dysphoria. everyone of us is taught at a young age about our bodies and female acceptability meaning femininity. I never conform to feminine roles wHether as a child or adult except when I was very young because they dressed me that way and I didn't know any better.
at age 7 I rejected dolls. I prefered playing with my brother's toys and his men. eventually I got some men of my own and a best friend once bought me a Barbie. I kind of hated that Barbie because that's not the kind of girl I was I was a hardcore tomboy.
part of being a tomboy was that I wanted freedom in my movements and I wanted to be treated equally to the boys and respected by them there many times I had to prove where other I was a boy or girl because I didn't want to be a girl I didn't want to do household chores or be limited to the domestic sphere or to wear dresses or skirts I rejected dresses at age 10. meanwhile my family did not approve of this and kept trying to feminize me. in school I was taught we were supposed to be proper young ladies worried about our hygiene and hair and dressing appropriately that is femininely. and acting feminine that is not running around as a hardcore tomboy competing with boys climbing trees bicycle bicycle riding exploring alleyways and going on adventures with other boys because the girls were too timid to do this.
I remember playing with Orthodox boys who wanted to ride my bicycle because they didn't have one and I would let them ride it for short periods of time but I never ever saw their sisters they had little curls in their hair the little side curls. their sisters I'm sure are not permitted to go outside and expected to stay in the domestic sphere I felt badly for them and wondered about them they could have been little girlfriends I could have played with. Instead they were just trapped in doors where their brothers could freely roam. neither did I like playing with some of the other Jewish little girls I knew who are so feminine so comfortable with dresses and formal clothes and Barbies I didn't feel like I could connect with them.
I preferred reading my Hardy boys and exchanging them with the neighborhood boys and going down into the alleyways exploring behind our buildings going on grand adventures sometimes dangerous if we got caught I mean not seriously dangerous but we could get in trouble. I would get really mad if any of those boys told me I couldn't do these things and told me it was for them only we'd be getting in fights and I stood my ground I was tough much tougher than my brother in fact and I had to often defend him as his older sister.
there were so many times I got into screaming matches with my family when they tried to pressure me to wear dresses and skirts to go out on family occasions. especially formal dinners and events I really hate it having to go to those just because I didn't want to wear a dress or skirt and I did want to be a boy and I argue with them all the time about it. it wasn't that I wanted a penis I mean they actually kind of disgust me and that did back then it's that I wanted to be treated equal and I wanted to wear the clothes I felt safe and comfortable and and there are reasons for that. I'm not sure I really want to go into it in this discussion but I was attacked sexually attacked walking my dog in Riverside Park and I was only 9 years old and I was wearing a dress. so here is where the gender dysphoria comes about it comes about because as females we are limited and what we can do and how we express ourselves and it's a very narrow window for while in the seventies they sold it was cold unisex clothes and these were clothes that either boys or girls or men and women could wear and I would insist on these clothes because I wanted to be as boy like as possible and if I couldn't have boy clothes at least I wanted those clothes that were truly gender neutral where I can wear pants and not be bothered and have full freedom of movement keep away any makeup any heels and don't fuss with my long hair I didn't want my hair styled curled or any of that nonsense even though my female relatives tried to they tried to feminize me but it never worked and at that time feminism was coming in it was coming in a big way in 1969 in New York City and I was 9 years old it burns within me I wanted to be treated totally equal and not put down just cuz I was a girl or made to do domestic shit and that if I showed interest in something that wasn't girly to not be put down for that either or put down because I don't like girly things.
and like a lot of feminist and lesbians say the teenage years are the worst as far as pressuring young tomboy girls into trying to feminize them that is make them acceptable to a future husband. of course my family tried that too and they tried to put me in makeup and heels and all that kind of stuff and my grandmother would buy me all those clothes she was feminine woman and once I got home with my family those clothes would just sit in the closet and the most androgynous clothes would be the ones I wore. I took up ice hockey which I had to fight for because that's what I wanted to do rather than being Girl Scouts and doing feminine stuff and I played ice hockey for 2 years the only girl in the entire league but then I was pressured out of it by my family told the boys would be too big into mean and it would be too dangerous for me so my brother got into the martial arts and I did not want to be left out so after coming home from my grandparents that summer I insisted that is where I found my lifelong niche as a young amazon.
there were not that many women doing martial arts in the mid seventies and it's certainly we're not too many doing full contact which I did do for short. Till I got my nose busted but I wanted to spar full contact like the boys were doing I wasn't allowed to that really pissed me off. so when every door is closed or some doors are closed being female one really resents it and I know I'm not the only one to go through this millions of us go through this millions of us question ourselves and I think that's why so many want to be male want to transition FTM because they want to short circuit female oppression and the limitations put upon us and the expectations that we should be help meets to men or sex objects or wives or domestics or limited in our abilities because we're constantly told we're less than constantly.
we don't get to be on professional sports teams at the highest levels and worshipped only men get to do that only boys get to dream that they can continue into a professional career yeah there some sports but not with the high esteem of male sports and the money behind them. and then break into trades and be at the highest levels professionally whether it's the skilled trades whether it's the military or being an astronaut even though there are some women astronauts now thats what I wanted to be or politically we still have never had a female president came close with Hillary Clinton at least we cut cut down the cover the color barrier with Obama but even he use sexism to win. I think she would have been a much stronger president and again talk about gender just for you for all women they constantly were talking about how she dressed whether she was wearing a pants suit or skirt was she feminine enough and all that bullshit that men never have to go through unless they're somewhat sissy. they were always on Janet Reno who was attorney general. every woman is suspect she might be a lesbian if she's not feminine enough so that's lesbian phobia and I'm fine with lesbians being tied to not being feminine enough because we defy so many oz as lesbians that's part of our role as women as dikes as women loving women we get to define who the fuck we are we get to define how we're going to dress we are the ones defying male roles we are the ones breaking new ground and I want to teach those young women to love their femaleness and that femininity and femaleness are not the same thing. that's what I loved when I came out as a dyke I finally saw women like myself I saw women who weren't feminine or who defied femininity or who were actively masculine looking strong butch women Amazon women defiant women in comfortable clothes and shoes women who dress the way they pleased without makeup without all the trappings and who were NOT ashamed about it who wore their armpit hair long as well as their leg hair and were beautiful just the way they were. who could wear their hair very short or long or any way that they pleased. question question question all this patriarchal bull bull shit who didn't just acquiese and change sex to conform and you can't change sex anyway only outside appearance and try to convince everyone around you that you are something else that you are not and never can be.
it's a horrible message to young women now that if you don't fit in you can transition and I'm telling you its a message there's too much money to be made in altering female bodies if you think of Hollywood and someone like share or most of Hollywood actually and now even brave amazon dyke or former amazon Martina Navratilova she has had facial surgery to appear more feminine when she was one who was always kind of butchy that so many of us looked up to.because it's not okay to be butch it's not okay to be non feminine so either you have to be masculine or feminine according to gender roles fit into one or the other weathered sex change operations or hormones or makeup for learning the opposite sex behavior it's not about just being yourself not about being empowered in your own body just as it is with the beauty of it as a female a different type of female that there are so many different kinds of us if only we could express ourselves in all those myriad ways without censorship without pressure without being put in pink without being made up without being expected to play with dolls without being feminized without being altered in some way shape or form or shamed around our body size or for many Jewish women shamed around our noses and pressure to do surgery on them.
that is what I mean by all women have gender dysphoria we either are too fat or too muscular or have too big noses or big butts and bellies and breasts or breasts that are too small or hair is too short or too curly or too ethnic or too black and has to be straightened or teeth aren't white enough or skin not white enough or our natural facial features we're told aren't pretty enough so you have to be covered up with slabs of makeup or if you getting older you have to have facial surgery and have a face lift or Botox and never ever will you rise if you're not appropriately feminine enough just look at the Academy Awards only Ellen dressed in a suit and she looked hot but heck she advertises for a makeup company what kind of Butch Dyke is that?
Every female politician is carefully observed on exactly how she dresses not on her policies because what if she looks like a dyke that's the worst thing in the world is looking butch or looking like a lesbian. because any woman who achieves anything is considered too masculine. too aggressive too bitchy too much standing her ground too uppity too visible too angry too strident too militant and on and on where these are acceptable qualities for men so again mentally femininity is enforced not just on the physical level but on a psychic and emotional level as well.
so with all these limitations is it any wonder that these young women want to transition to mail in droves because anytime we discuss feminism or equal rights or breaking down the system that oppresses us and steps on our necks as females we are silenced and humiliated and threatened sexually physically politically spiritually and emotionally I haven't even discussed Male religion that really is the driver of all of this like you look at radical Islam fundamentalist Christianity and Orthodox Judaism much less other traditions even Hinduism where women are so limited on how they can be themselves and express themselves without real physical danger. without full and total control over our wombs and our ability to choose whether to procreate or not.
I will leave this article for now and if I have more to add will add to it or do a part 2 but this is food for thought for all of you my beloved sisters the goddess awakened and got a surprise in the hearts of all women stand your ground sisters and power and strength and your own authenticity have each others backs in female solidarity.