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Big Dyke from SF Dyke March

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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Valuable Dimensions of Friendship by RussianPrincess

I feel this post is so important, because here in California friendship is really more acquaintanceship than anything else...so disposable, and completely dependent on mutual availability, mobility, class equality(of the same class, or able to keep up) and convenience, or a step up the ladder.

So RussianPrincess shares with us HER values of what true friendship means to her coming from her culture, and I 100% agree with her, because my sense of friendship is really more the European kind, than the American.
                                                     -In Sisterhood,

Valuable Dimensions of Friendship By RussianPrincess

In Russia we have different gradations for human connections and the language reflects corresponding words. Here they are in ascending order:
Acquaintance (the one we periodically meet in public transportation, know his/her name, and exchange smiles, most people in my Friends List fall in this category)
Client service relations (owner-cashier at the nearest Esso (gas) station)
Coworker (this one would easily push you off his/her path to a promotion and step over your body)
Comrade (we share same political views)
Neighbor (sometimes we barely know them, but in an emergency they could be closer than a relative)
Buddy (hobby, or sexual play, or drinking, or f*** - but s/he is just a buddy, usually nothing serious)
Lover (relatively stable but not always exclusive sexual connection)
Direct family member (including spouse)
And a FRIEND. We don't have more than four or five of them during all our lifetime. And this person would be the first at your doorstep at the time of distress, and s/he never refuses to listen to you even if you are blabbering absolute nonsense. If a FRIEND rejects you in a moment of distress it hurts more than most initial problems. A lover or a spouse can cheat on you, even a family member can betray but a FRIEND can't.
And this part is taken from Inspirational Quotes website:
"Friendship is a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. It has two dimensions; quality and conflict. The quality of friendship is important for a person's well being and it contributes to the closeness of friends. The second dimension is conflict, which connects with the quality of friendships. High quality friendships have great ways of resolving conflict which ultimately leads to a stronger and healthier relationship. The value of friendship is often the result of friends consistently demonstrating the tendency to desire what is best for the other, sympathy and empathy, honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support, enjoyment of each other's company, trust in one another, positive reciprocity - equal give-and-take between the two parties, the ability to be oneself, and express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement."
THANK YOU! You would hate it here in California, because mostly it's a land of acquaintanceships, buddies, coworkers, a few comrades and pretty much everything but 'friend'....all my 'friends' are acquaintances, and very, very few  are real friends, when the chips are down. ALOT of superficiality.  Of course the Bay Area is the land of Facebook and almost all the other computer businesses, so a 'friend' is often of the Facebook definition, these days! Silicon Valley has too much influenced California thinking!

Your definition of 'friend' is also my definition of friend. They get together with you, you do stuff with them, they stay in your life, they're consistent, they're there in the good times AND bad times...and you can be truly, completely honest with them, unlike almost any other type of relationship. They'll pick you up when you're all broke down, like after a breakup, or a death in the family or someone close, or even a beloved kitty.

And most of all, IT'S RECIPROCAL. I gave up all those friendships that I realized really weren't reciprocal, or dropped them back down to 'acquaintance' level, and sadly, my best friend, who was also one I gave a part of myself to I couldn't with any other, I let go of her after 20 years of chasing...and those sacred moments of play, and while it had almost ALL of your definition, the big one lacking was the Reciprocity. I trusted her more than any other, and our friendship lasted through many partnerships, fuck buddies, play partners and other things..but the last time I was back in Colorado she made it almost impossible to see her, and in a time of crisis when the chips were down, she was NOT there for me, and I was DONE with the lack of reciprocity shown, finally....

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