,
I grew up with all that pressure: forced to wear dresses to family dinners, and there always were crying and shouting matches when I refused to do so, and threats I couldn’t come along if I didn’t comply. Holidays and birthdays were a strain too, because I rejected dolls at age 7(dresses at age 10, and marriage to a man at age 12). How I knew all this stuff, well, I grew up in NYC during the budding of the Feminist movement in the late ’60′s/early ’70′s, and was a tough tomboy on the streets who wouldn’t take second class status merely cuz I was a girl. I too wanted to be ‘one of the boys’, all the things this individual mentions. I HATED being a girl, not because I wanted a dick, but because I didn’t want to dress in humilating feminine clothing, be made to play with dolls or femmey girls, or do housework, I wanted to do all the fun boy things like my younger brother was able to do, and play with the more interesting toys, sports, adventure and exploration, and most of all, DID NOT wanted to be treated second class and left out! I was also very protective of my younger brother and fought his fights for him.
This individual is far more Femme than I EVER was…I rejected feminininity, makeup, dresses or any of that BEFORE I came out as much as I could get away with, and even more so AFTER I came out, and thank Goddess I came into a strong Lesbian/Feminist movement where there were very visible Butch Dykes I could emulate, and questioning of every female role and assertion and we were carving out OUR OWN culture and way of being, not that dicktated to us by the heterosexual culture…but ACTIVELY RESISTING IT. And as a martial artist teaching self defense to women, I took up my space in a way many women do not…martial arts helped me inhabit my body and my movements and where I would go and what I would do, in many ways women as a whole are fearful to do because of feminine training and threats of violence, and threats of being ‘unfeminine’. Well, I was NEVER feminine in the first place, and so MANY of these trans’men’ had active feminine experiences where at some point they embraced femininity as this FTM did.
Even looking at this individual, I see the woman inside her. Shave off the beard and you have a young Butch.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH JUST BEING BUTCH/AMAZON????????????? And questioning all these imposed upon female roles. When I see pictures of her as a girl, I just get very sad and mourn, cuz she looked like a cute tomboy girl, attempting to resist femininity, but still all girl, that is, all FEMALE, nothing wrong with her at all, except the shame the family instills in her for NOT CONFORMING.
I am convinced now, with watching yet ANOTHER FTM confession(youtube is loaded with them overwhelmingly, and Chaz’s documentary is no different in tone than any of the other FTM confession) that it’s all about being shamed for not being feminine, and not ‘fitting into’ feminininity and ‘proper’ female roles..so it’s all about roles, and NOTHING TO DO with the sex she is born into…that is…if INSTEAD she came out into a community where her kind of Female was honored, like I was as a hardcore Tomboy who finally had a place as a Butch, seeing other Butches FIERCELY PROUD OF THEIR FEMALENESS AND AMAZON STRENGTH, HERSTORY AND POWER, and their capableness, then perhaps she would not have decided to take those horrible male hormones and to transition.
Over and over it comes down to SOCIAL CONDITIONING and rejecting feminine roles..and seeing the only opportunity is to become a ‘dude’ to deal with sexism, instead of a place where one can just be a powerful Female EXACTLY as you are without being forced into pink, stereotypical female(or for that matter male) behaviors, dresses or expectations.
Because she admits that once she’s percieved as a ‘dude’ she can’t even shake hands the same way, and is looked at completely differently, something she didn’t expect. Men are always testing other men to see their weaknesses, always testing for weakness….always going on about dick size or equivalents thereof, oneupmanship, ect. and now she won’t be able to show vulnerabilities, softness or emotions freely, because then she’ll be suspect she’s ‘not really a man’, instead of a greater human being, just BEING. So transition is NOT an answer to ANYONE’S problems…it does NOT stop the social inequities, it’s just another way to conform……
-In Sisterhood,
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Men are always testing other men to see their weaknesses, always testing for weakness….always going on about dick size or equivalents thereof, oneupmanship, ect. and now she won’t be able to show vulnerabilities, softness or emotions freely, because then she’ll be suspect she’s ‘not really a man’,
ReplyDeleteThis is true, as someone who has got close to masculinity and considered myself being trans, i have become aware of this from watching men, not by being seen as one. It appears that the more masculine i am getting as a woman, the more i start to notice how i differ from men. I did go through a time where i did create my own femininity, or tryed to pass as an average woman. I did this just by wearing long hair, never in heels or make up. I went around for many years believing that on the inside i was really a man, and not wanting anyone to know. This year i cut my hair as i only wore it for to hide something i no longer wish to hide. I decided if i was trans i would no longer hide it, if transition was where i was heading then that was ok. I decided to let my masculinity flow free, and not care what anyone thought. When i first cut my hair i wondered if this was the start of my masculinity and weather i would want more and more masculinity, i got a big buzz as i felt like i was free from a box. I still do, but i also know not that im not trans. I dont wish to have male masculinity, i dont even think i have to be male to be masculine. Most men do have to hide any softness they have from other men, its almost like men destroy whats good about each other as they see it as weak. They are always trying to get one on each other, they do restrict each other, and its knowing this that makes me realise that its an escape from this i seek as a masculine woman. I dont wish to become it.
I also carnt help seeing the positive side of being a masculine woman, we do have a freedom men dont have. We can be masculine and still have a soft side without being seen as weak. I sometimes wonder if some men resent that aspect of butch women.
As a woman you can get a type of masculinity that you never have to prove.
Its odd the way things are, it appears that men look for weak points to attack in each other. Women appear to get attacked for there strengths, and prevented from being good at things.
The thing i hate most about being a woman is less of a problem now, as that thing was being taken as straight and as competition for straight women, now im just another lesbian who is not expected to have any fashion sense anyway so they dont waste there time checking out weather ive done the girl bit right.
Straight men spend all that time and energy trying to prove there masculinity to other men, just so that women will want them, anmd then they get the so called hot feminine woman with her bleach blond hair and heels. And then after a few years of being in her restrictive role she goes of sex and turns into a nag. He is welcome to it, for years i wanted what he gets as i thought it must be great to be a straight man.
Im just pissed i wasted all those years wanting to be male, but i have to be glad i never saw a gender doctor.