My response from Dirt's Blog: Transition is never inevitable, and from me: How to love your Butch Dyke FEMALE Body/Mind/Spirit

I really have to share about this.
My current partner, who is Butch, once she got online, and began to flirt with/cyber other Butch on Butches, so many of them were 10 years or more her junior, were flirting with gender, genderqueering, and then considering transitioning, rather than owning up to the beautiful/handsome WOMEN they are, as Butch Dykes, so eager and ready to trade in their femaleness, kept asking her when SHE was going to transition, ect. ect. ect.
And my partner(before we met) was a LONGTERM BUTCH DYKE OF AT LEAST 15 YEARS OUT!

It was almost like a cult, they draw you in, tell you what you want to hear, 'love bomb' you, and/or flirt with you, acknowledge you as a Butch in ways you've never heard before, but like ALL cults there is a heavy price to pay...

It fucked with her head so bad, she ALMOST considered transitioning, she had packers, and dildos galore, packing everyday with either softies or hardies, even to work, ect. ect. ect, cuz all the rest were doing the same.....that out of all this, she decided not to date anyone for two years so she could figure out where she was at with all this.

This questioning NEVER happened to her UNTIL she got online. Once she got online, the bombardment and pressure to transition or genderqueer was enormous, just like so many of the young ones are getting today, rather than the pride I got through Dykes in the Lesbian movement, where we were going to change the world, as Amazons, as Warriors as "an army of lovers can never fail", an old Lesbian saying that was new back then, well sadly, we HAVE failed. Even though back then what with our new institutions we were quickly creating, lesbian music recording companies, bookstores, events, festivals, printing presses, ect. ect..our OWN cultural institutions BY AND FOR OURSELVES......so many of them gone, gone, gone. Other Butches taught me PRIDE IN BEING FEMALE, a different KIND of Female, with power and strength, and holding our space as the Warriors for Women, the take no bullshit no man is gonna tell me what to do!

Now instead, they're becoming 'men'. That Dyke Female pride has been sadly lost.

Well, she figured out after two years of this journey she DID NOT want to have her breasts cut off, and she was PROUD to be both Butch and Female, she went back to dating both Butches and Femmes. But it was online that fucked with her head, and because she had been a longterm OUT Butch Dyke in a difficult part of the country to be out, she had more strength than most, who have NEVER been out yet as a Butch Dyke, with that kind of Female Dyke herstory...just new on their journey, and detered offcourse and caught up in the promises and excitement of the trans movement. But the price is a heavy one to pay...not just renouncing one's Femaleness, or even Dykeness, but in having one's body physically altered through painful surgeries, and then to go on hormones that do who knows what to the body in the longrun! All that just to 'fit in'?

I for one am glad, and when she met me, as a Female Identified Butch, I told her she didn't have to 'prove' any of this to me. She could put away the dildos and packers and such, and show me her Female side without fear....and we have both found the kind of match that we know these days would be very hard to find 'out there'. We celebrate our Butchness, our Femaleness, our Dykeness and ultimately our Amazon natures together....AS WOMEN. We LOVE each other's FEMALE bodies...instead of despise them, and from each other's admiration of our bodies, we learn to love our own bodies too....

I'm so glad this woman came to her senses through reading your blogs Dirt.
-In Butch DykeAmazon Sisterhood,
-MasterAmazon

"Too Butch to be Fucked?" Quoted from Dirt's Blog and my response

I have felt this is too important a subject to pass up, so therefore I'm quoting it
in my blog, particularly my responses, and one other's response to me, and mine to her. I am using initials or truncated names for a level of anonymity.



March 19, 2010 2:10 PM
MasterAmazon said...
I've NEVER been too Butch to fuck or be fucked. I like both. Maybe that's why I'm Butch on Butch. But even when I had a Femme lover, after making love to her, or at another time, I wanted also for her to touch me. My orgasm is as valuable as anybody else's, and I CRAVE attention to my Sacred Yoni, as much as I crave giving attention to another Dyke's Sacred Yoni, whether she be Butch or Femme.

I've never understand that whole bullshit that the only REAL Butch is a Stone Butch. To me, a Stone Butch are the ones right on the way to transitioning to FTM, and many, many have. Maybe not all, but they were the first wave of Butches who do, because of precisely this shame.

Now, if I'm into more casual encounters as a Top, I might not want to be touched sexually by other womyn, outside my primary relationship. I simply get too vulnerable. When I let go, and allow myself to be made love to whether it be with fingers/hand or oral sex, or both, it is a very intense experience for me, and something these days I want to only share with she who truly loves me, because I DO get very vulnerable. I'm not giving that to just anybody anymore. When I was younger, I did, because I was always so horny and passionate.

NOw my passions are deeper, and my vulnerability much greater to the surface, as well as the effects of being perimenopausal so it takes longer.

Sometimes I find it easier to give than recieve, but the Goddess of Passion, Uzume, Baubo, Shakti, won't allow me to hold out forever....I go in heat, and must be satisfied. Physically satisfying another won't do it for me, I also must recieve. I'm just not wanton about it, like I was in the past, in my 20's, 30's, early 40's.

I'm ALL for Butch Passion, and Butches recieving pleasure as well as giving it. I'm neither for a Stone phenomena or pillow princess phenomena. To me that is damaged, that one can only give, and the other can only selfishly recieve. It need not be totally equal 100% of the time, we all have our particular proclivities, but neither do I think any Butch should deny her basic desires for the sake of an image.

I cannot tell you how many years I went orgasmless in many situations, giving out orgasms freely, but not recieving them in turn, for just this thing around Butch image......finally I said "To hell with it, I want MY passion too!"

-Here's to All Butches claiming their passion, and fuck what others think!
-MasterAmazon

March 22, 2010 3:01 AM
ucp said...
"Too Butch to Fuck?" HAHAHAHA!!! Love the title.

"Butch sexuality is the ONLY sexuality whereby the person is systematically shamed out of their sexuality in order to maintain their identity! It is an either or position. Either you are Butch with a dysfunctional sexuality that isn't much spoken of or you have a healthy sexuality and you arent a real Butch."

AMEN, Dirt! Butches are very much SHAMED out of their sexuality. I recently had an offline convo with a bitch about her Stoneness; it bothered me that being Stone is cool (it's just body hatred, same as my hibernating eating disorder). This is part of the reason why I won't claim FEMME-- I love butches but I want to FUCK my partner. In fact, I insist! A woman who won't let me touch her is not a woman I can enjoy having sex with. It stifles passion and intimacy. It makes ME feel that I'm foolish not to guard myself more closely.

Thank you for taking this on. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the systemic conditioning of butch body hatred and how it affects lesbian sexuality.



March 23, 2010 3:34 AM
Femme A. said...
Firstly, MA coming from a desire that is not strictly invested in a/the Butch/Femme dynamic has given you sexual experiences that few Butch/Femme devoted Butches allow or are given permission or a safe space to explore. Within the realms of Butch/Femme, there are restrictions, hierarchies, prejudices, definitions, re-definitions and a policing of all of the above, which does not exist in other lesbian space such that occupied by butch-on-butch interactions. Dirt is speaking specifically about the difficulty of negotiating sex as a Butch within the Butch/Femme world. As a Femme 100% devoted to Butches, I’ve seen what rigidity and policing can and has done to Butch womyn. The very sad reality is the worst crimes are committed by those within Butch/Femme communities that claim to support Butch identity and sexuality.

Ucp, your comment:
"this is part of the reason why I won't claim FEMME-- I love butches but I want to FUCK my partner. In fact, I insist! A woman who won't let me touch her is not a woman I can enjoy having sex with".

You have every right to claim Femme and just because you like to Fuck, does not make you any less of a Femme. I am a proud Femme and have shared great pleasure in Fucking, licking and sucking Butch womyn that have invited me to do so. Didn’t make me any less Femme and certainly didn’t make them any less Butch.

FA X


March 24, 2010 2:05 PM
MasterAmazon said...
First off, I have to say, I do understand the Butch/Femme dynamic. My last partnership of 5 and 1/2 years was with a Femme whom I lived with, loved at the time, and owned a house with, had friends over and entertained, and many things we did together. I never felt comfortable in the straitjacket of classic Butch/Femme dynamics as dictated by ANY Lesbian community. In fact I think the straitjacket is worse these days because of all these fractured Lesbian microcommunities.

Most of my dynamic has been in the leatherworld, and I've known many a Femme Top who has had her lover up in a sling fucking her....as well as vice versa, having the Butch please her too when her time came. I've seen that reciprocity, and ditched long ago that the fuck is run by the Butch only, and that the Femme is submissive/receptive and only recieves and the Butch only gives. I've known simply too many Butch bottoms, enjoyed their services, and seen their Femme Tops enjoy their services as well.

I've known many Butches with a healthy receptive Butch sexuality, who enjoy both Butch on Butch sex, or Butch/Femme sex, or exclusively or primarily one or the other.

I've known more Butch Tops who prefer a primary Femme lover, which she is usually dominant or the more aggressive partner, and who may have Butch bottoms on the side, or as a delicacy. But NEVER primary. Alpha Butches I guess you'd call them.

For me, I've ALWAYS preferred Butch on Butch because I like the equalness of it...but there's ALWAYS been strong Femme exceptions to that rule, like my lover at the time of 5 and 1/2 years...I like STRONG Dykes of EITHER type....not 'scared to break their nail'type femmes....tuff girls.....there's nothing sexier to me....she can work with a hammer and around the garden and fix things, like my former partner could do, but she could also cook, dress to the nines, and fuck or be fucked. Versatility. Not straitjacketed by fixed roles or expectations.

I've been out for an incredibly long time, almost 30 years, and I've seen things change and become more fluid in these areas, and I'm GLAD for it...that we don't have to be relegated to Stoneness to 'prove' we're Butch, or a Butch Top, or ANY of it. All I care is that they're bio female, a Dyke, and care about some of the same things I care about, and ALL WOMON!
-MasterAmazon
And yes, I'm a Capital B Butch!
Forever and Always in all ways!

March 27, 2010 4:01 AM

About Chaz Bono transitioning, and being a Female Identified Butch

Earlier post from Michfest list. This is simply too powerful writing on my part to
let it languish just on Michfest. It was written earlier than some of my previous posts here on DykesforDykes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Chaz Bono: "I always felt like the male from the time I was a child," he said. "There wasn't much feminine about me."

"Boy, can I relate!"-michfest list member

MasterAmazon's response:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, there's not a whole lot feminine about me either...but feminine DOES NOT equal female...it's why we have a wbw policy. Womyn, Dykes, Females, come in all flavors, from the hardcore Butch, to androgynous to high Femme, to Wildwomon, to Amazon, to Sorceress, Witch, Warrior, Sage, and many others inbetween, reflected by the Goddess of 10,000 Names, appearances, sizes, ethnicities, races, temperaments. Maybe we need a modern Goddess who rides in a rocket ship, though I've definitely transported into outer space with a few of them through visualization and ritual......the Goddess is infinite..and so are we..AS FEMALES. We come in many different Female forms. This is basic feminism...not just for our rights, but for right to be PROUD as a Dyke, as a Womon as a Female, in whatever form we come in, fat, thin, muscular, Black, White, Brown, Red, Yellow, Purple or Green....all ages, all types of temperaments, fiery, watery, fairy, floaty, airy, earthy, whether as Maiden, Mother, Amazon or Crone types, so many differing ways we CAN be as Female, and take back our Female Powers...Female, NOT feminine. Just like there are men who don't fit into masculine roles...our fairy queen brothers....why should they be forced or pressured into transitioning to 'female', simply because they're effeminate and don't 'fit in' to hetero norms, in the same way butchy/tomboy girls don't 'fit in' to hetero norms. I never have, ever since at age 7 I rejected dolls, age 10 rejected dresses, age 12 rejected having a baby or ever marrying a man, ect. How did I know these things at such a young age?

I CONSTANTLY argued with my parents that I was 'not a girl'. And they constantly told me I was 'not a boy'. And then we'd get in the arguement, 'well if you're not a girl or not a boy, what ARE you?" And came up with the only answer I could, being a hardcore Trekkie...."I'm an alien from outer space.". No more arguement then.

Years later, I look through my school books, and realized I scratched out all the female pronouns or changed them to male ones. I did not identify with the female roles, housewives, cooking, cleaning, having babies. I wanted to do the fun stuff(and did), ride my bike, climb trees, play baseball, fight, explore, and identified with all the male roles, with the exception of Wonder Woman. Even though she was a bit feminine for me...she had magical powers, AND SHE LIVED ON AN ISLAND OF WOMON ONLY..AN AMAZON ISLAND. Anytime I EVER heard about Amazons I knew that was me...the Amazon Goddess Artemis, and girls/womyn living in the woods with Her, that was what I wanted. I wanted to be in a community of womyn TO BE FREE...COMPLETELY FREE, WILD AND UNFEMINIZED. I wasn't 'tough enough' to make it as a boy, in fact, I really didn't like the boys, and certainly not sexually, I found them repulsive. But I identified with the fun things they did, rather than the drudgery of roles and feminine confining behaviors and games little girls were expected to like, and especially dolls! Hated them, and everything they represented. Hated everything that was feminine....or feminized. But when I saw pictures of womyn that weren't so feminine, more sporty, more athletic, more POWERFUL....and actualized...I identified WITH them. So this is the crisis.

Once all the good Butches, or potential Butches are taken out of the community and ASSumed to be male as in: "you just want to be a man", like so many of us have been told, well, WHERE WILL THE ROLE MODELS BE, for those who DON'T want to transition to love a womon, yet are somewhat masculine, or who too, reject femininity?

Everywhere I go on the internet, 20, or 30 something boyish dyke types are talking about wearing binders to flatten their breasts, ASSuming male pronouns, and expecting that every Butch needs to be referred to as he/hym, hy, ect....the trans movement offers us Butch Dykes NOTHING.....except the erasure of our Femaleness...which goes WAY BEYOND femininity....and we KNOW that, because we have been on womyn's land, and experienced the POWER of womyn, all kinds of womyn, of every stripe, shape, size, ethnicity, yin or yangness....temperament, Butchness, or femmeness, and everything inbetween. Many of these can't even imagine being on womyn's land cuz it's 'discriminatory', their gay male friends can't come, their trans friends can't come(depending on what side of trans they're on), or whatever. There's no value to it, for them...because they DON'T UNDERSTAND the value of it!

I had one young friend of mine go to Michfest, who sits in this stew, and this current 'binary/nonbinary gender issues' political correctness. She was changed going to Michfest, but unless she repeats it many times, she'll fall right back into that trap.

Hell if Chaz wants to transition, whatever...but every Dyke who transitions, every womon, and every masculine/Butch womon who transitions, who literally allows the male energy to live inside her body, through those hormones, and the physical and psychological effects of those surgeries, and the community's celebrating her transition with her..to male..or some version of male....makes it harder for every one of us Female Identified Butches who DON'T constantly want male pronouns used for us, who WANT our Butchness, our Dykeness AND our Femaleness honored and recognized, and seen, for who and what we are...not what others think we should be...

How do I know this? Well, my partner was pressured almost immediately once she got online to transition, by all the other Butch on Butch online, who were playing with their 'cocks' and dildos, and imitating the male...each announcing "I'm taking T', one at a time, or considering the surgeries...it starts innocently enough..the name change to something more male, like Anna to Andy, or Eva to Evan, or something like that....then by starting to insist on male pronouns, then a certain style of dress, what I call the Genderqueer/FTM style(very, very distinct in San Francisco), then the encouragement of wearing binders...then maybe scoring some 'T' from friends to create a mustache, or even wearing fake facial hair before that....and WANTING, oh so WANTING the privileges men have. WE ALL want those privileges......then, getting a script for testosterone...and maybe they'll just stay there for awhile...but eventually, many will want the breast surgery....cuz now they really hate what evidence of femaleness they have left on their bodies, because of all the masculinity and maleness of their genderqueer/FTM friends....and then eventually the breast surgery when they have the money......and most just stop there...somewhere's inbetween...neither really male, nor female....they LOOK LIKE young dykes, many of them, with baby faces, some sporting a little facial hair, some not...the scratchy hormone induced voice...it's very, very 'in'...and their femmes love it..and their genderqueer and FTM and some of their Butch bros.....


But...each one that does it...puts that much more pressure on those of us left behind....those of us Butches who just want to remain female...and then the bombardment of questions of those Butches who are a bit harder looking, who have the more genderqueer forms of dress, or hairstyles, or very short hair, or more hardcore masculine looking..."When are YOU going to transition" "When, when, when?" Yes, my partner had to endure those questions before we met.....until she met someone who LOVED her for her Butch nature, AND her Female side as well....because there is a part of her that is very soft, vulnerable and female...and THAT'S what I want, and NEED in a partner. I LOVE the tough Butch look. I LOVE being Butch..but I gotta know that inside, they're soft and have a vulnerable side...that they are fully Female....and with so many of these young ones, they're made to stuff that down....and only claim the hardness and reject the vulnerability. Truthfully, how many are incest or rape survivors? How many hate their femaleness because they were victimized by it? How many see being female necessarily equals feminine, and that it is a weakness...ok for their femmes, but NOT for them? Yes, sexism. No feminism, not even the most basic kind. THAT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IN YOUR POWERFUL FEMALE BODY...ANYTHING YOU PLEASE.....BE ANYTHING YOU WANT...AS LONG AS WE CONTINUE TO WORK TO OUR FULL LIBERATION AS FEMALES!!! AND NEVER, EVER LET GO OF THE STRUGGLE!!!

Well, there's a new movement coming along, and we call it "Butch Feminism". You can be Butch, proud to be a womon, and Feminist...and I will write out my definition of it..others can add to it...you need not change, be somethind different or feel that female=weak. That's patriarchal claptrap, the machine and noise fed to us by media and the power structures and conservative religions. And we are rising once again...claiming the flame...and we are Female Identified Butches that only or primarily want the female pronoun used for us...and ESPECIALLY in women's space and/or women's land! That should be a given. If others dont like it, then let them stay in their queer identified spaces, and leave us womyn and Dykes alone who DO want wbw spaces and places to SEE each other, and CONNECT with each other AS FEMALES!
-In Sisterhood,
-MasterAmazon